What Tantra taught me about men
I saw ”the enemy” and it was human, like me.
Looking back I still wonder how in the world I found the courage to give it a try. In my country of origin, Romania, Tantra have a bad reputation. Sex is a dangerous and shameful thing and sexual education is the devil.
I guess I was desperate: I was in full dark night of the soul and I wanted a radical cure for it. For my soul. And for my body.
I remember going to the Tantra dance class — it was the dancing part that was the most appealing to me, enough to decide it worth risking — and the first think I told when I introduced myself: ”Hi, I am Ana and I have a problem with being touch.”
But was nothing to fear there. The people were amazing at creating a safe space for newcomers. I felt secure. I felt at home.
I went home after that and during my active meditation I had my Kundalini awakening experience. Holly sh#t! I was a believer.
It took me some time until I decided that I want to became a Tantra therapist. It was not an easy decision to make. I was still working on my traumas. Was I having the right to speak about healing when I was still fighting my battles?
The answer was ”yes” despite all my doubts. It was a calling. Everything was making so much sense for me that I knew the only big obstacle to overcome will be to tell my family about this. I did want their approval. They are my sacred ground, the place where I am tested and moulded again and again. My motivation to be a better person. So I told them what I am into and I took the courses.
One tool in Tantra therapy is the massage. I smile when people ask about it and if it is ”with happy end”. They have no idea…
Yes, the purpose is to learn how to be orgasmic, how to have full-body orgasm (or energetic orgasms). But this will not happen with the first session. And, even if there is a big possibility to have a intense pleasure-immersion experience first time, it is also the case of bringing up body-traumas, memories of sexual abuse or just a feeling of overwhelming sadness. Everything is welcomed: sadness, joy, ecstasy, all are part of the healing journey.
Although it is often women who cry during massage, men are just as vulnerable. Once they understand that it is not about selling sex, their vulnerability manifests itself in many ways. Some are disappointed and look for satisfaction elsewhere. The ones who are brave enough to work with their sexuality are desperately trying to hide how scared they are. How naked (not a pun) they feel without the mask of toughness.
My night of the soul was having a lot to do with the violence, with the suffering some men are causing to women, with sexual traumas I was not able to heal until then. I was facing a growing hate for all men that scared the crap out of me. I did not want the hate. I could not afford it. Mentally and emotionally. It was draining me. I did not like what I was becoming.
Seeing men in their vulnerability was almost shocking. All that gibberish about how tough they are, how superior, how alfa, how powerful become so transparent. I could see beyond it.
They are at least as scared as woman. Fearing that they are not good enough. That somebody will call out their imposture. That others will laugh at them if they admit their insecurities. That they are not men enough.
It was the beginning of the most profound healing process: I saw ”the enemy” and it was human, like me.
I could not look at men with the some eyes. Hate was replaced with compassion. Fear with love.
I do feel pain when I see how they cover their limitations with fake superiority. And when I read all the news about men abusing women.
I do not have a solution for this.
I just know that hate is not the answer.
